Herman Cain: Why the Pizza Man Won't Deliver

Presidential candidate Herman Cain is a master of spin, even without pizza dough in his hands, and when caught red-handed fabricating truths, he brushes it off as nothing more than pizza sauce.

So Cain thinks he can create jobs?  Well, his turnaround of Godfather’s Pizza proves just the opposite.  Cain reportedly closed in the neighborhood of 200 stores, and laid off hundreds of workers (with thousands likely losing their jobs as a result) to make Godfather’s profitable.  So if you were a poor unemployed pizza worker in Omaha in the late 1980’s, you have no one to blame but yourself… and Herman Cain.  After 14 months of consolidation at Godfather’s, Cain predicted greatness according to Businessweek.  He had plans to double the number of stores over three years and run with the big boys at Dominos and Pizza Hut. It never happened… never even came close.  When Cain took over, according to various sources, Godfather’s was the number three, four or five pizza chain in the country… and Cain turned it into number 10 or 11 when his association with the company ended.  Sales under his leadership were reportedly flat to down (and definitely down when adjusted for inflation).

Cain, of course, took home millions for himself.

Despite posing as a simple Pizza mogul, Herman Cain is actually a Washington and Wall Street insider who spent years as a lobbyist, conspiring with business to buy the policies he and his constituents craved.  As the head of the Restaurant Association lobby -- Cain promoted smoking in restaurants (the inspiration for his current campaign ad?), against lowering the legal blood alcohol level for drunk driving, and for keeping restaurant salaries low.  So whose fault is it that people are poor, Herman? 

Herman Cain is really the worst kind of hypocrite.  Cain’s approach to business is to squeeze the juice out of an orange, drink the juice and hand the flaccid rind to the workers and tell them to be grateful.  As far as I can tell, Herman Cain has never grown anything.  He has cut his way to profitability. 

So what kind of America can we expect under Herman Cain?  Based on his record… fewer jobs, not more, and at lower pay… dirtier air, because Cain will push for burning more fossil fuels and repealing smoking bans… more drunk drivers, but fewer police and less health insurance (a nasty formula if ever there was one).

He will slash revenues and spending… shift what little tax burden there is almost entirely onto the poor and middle-class (can’t penalize the job creators)… and what little spending there is will be used to build a 2000+ mile fence on the U.S. Mexico border (possibly electrified, though probably no alligator filled moat – I think people striving for a better life being eaten by ‘gators passed as Cain’s idea of humor).

Under Herman Cain, America may cut deficits and shrink government – that is his modus operandi after all – but we will have to settle for being an economic also-ran.  We won’t be #1 after a Cain presidency – we may not even be in the top 5.  Jobs and GDP will likely under perform.  Disparity between rich and poor will increase.  Under Herman Cain’s fast food, low tech approach, the Unites States will slip behind our competitors (just as Godfathers Pizza did under Herman Cain) and we will end up catering to the high tech, growth economies of our global counterparts, including China, India, Brazil, Germany, Canada and perhaps countless others.  Because while Herman Cain is undoubtedly an inspirational speaker, his record does not back up his claims, and he will not be able to deliver… unless all you want is a pizza.